"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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