apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My cat gives me a boner
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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