i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
