Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
