Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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