Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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