can we get nightvision for the apartment?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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