This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
