Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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