Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
