Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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