what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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