I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
