i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
