You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
