I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize