Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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