Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
