its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
