i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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