He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize