haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
