Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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