I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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