Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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