i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize