the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
