you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
