I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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