This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
