I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
