what if every blade of grass was a penis?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
