now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
