You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
