Having a random hookup so left but love u
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
