Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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