im drinking this country out of the recession.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
