when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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