i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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