wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
