Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
