if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Your penis caused this!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
