My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
