is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
