can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
