im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
