I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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