get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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