im having a threesome with these popsicles
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
