we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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