Will you blow on my dice?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
