I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
