You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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