Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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