Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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