You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
