What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
