Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
