good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
