I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
