Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
