my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I will be naked everywhere
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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