He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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