ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
