Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
