her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
