I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
