my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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