I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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