I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
