so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
