Just fell off a train. Bad.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
