I want to stick my p in your. b.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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