this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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