I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
