i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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