ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
