fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
