I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
