I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
