that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize