He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
