pedialite and red bull = repair kit
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
