i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
