The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
