New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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